A Letter To The Father Of My Child, My Very Best Friend (5 AM Thoughts)

I wish I told you even half the things that go through my head each day. We get busy. We get distracted with things dealing with Ambrosia. We’re exhausted. But even though we are and do all of those things, we never fail to tell each other “I love you”. 

I  do however tell you the small things.
I tell you to fix your hair because it’s a little messy. I tell you what we did that day while you were at work. I tell you to drive safe before you go anywhere. I tell you when Ambrosia laughs so hard that she gets hiccups.

What I should tell you is that I love you with my entire existence. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I’d be a mess. I’d fall apart. My heart would be completely broken.
I know we haven’t been together for years, and to some people, having a baby was a big mistake. But they’re wrong. We know it wasn’t. Having a baby with you was the best thing to happen to me. Not only are you a wonderful partner, you are the best daddy to our little girl.

I hope you know that even though I don’t talk about you on all my social media pages or post about how amazing you are for everyone to see, I think you are the most amazing person I have ever met. I never feel the need to brag about what you get for me, what you do for me, or how you treat me. I know you love me and that you’d choose us over anybody. Social media doesn’t need to know all that.

I learned a lot from getting pregnant and having a baby. It’s a different kind of love after you have a child with someone. It isn’t the magical, fairytale kind of love anymore. It’s the messy love: the breakdowns, the exhausting early morning conversations, seeing each other at their worst. You don’t experience that kind of love until you’ve made another little human together. And that is the best love anyone could ever hope for. 

After my C-section, I was so scared. I didn’t know how I was going to get up for the first few weeks. Hell, I didn’t even know how I was supposed to shower after the first three days! But… you were there. You were by my side through everything. As disgusting as I was after giving birth, you didn’t mind. Every time Ambrosia woke up, you took care of her. When I had problems breastfeeding, you sought help for me. What would I have done without you? I don’t even want to think about it. I’m so grateful that we were put into each others’ lives.

You like to remind me that before Ambrosia, it was us. And after Ambrosia (and any other future kids), it will be us. You never fail to try to rekindle the spark that we have. It doesn’t even have to be showering me with lavish gifts or dates to the most expensive restaurants. It’s the little things. When you cook my favorite food without asking if I wanted it. How you take my make up off when I’m too tired to do so. Or even when you let me sleep in an extra 30 minutes because you know Ambrosia stayed up way past her bed time the night prior. It’s those things that will always make me feel like the Queen you say I am to you.

Joshua, you are my very best friend.
I don’t need to make it seem like our relationship is perfect because it isn’t. We fight, we bump heads, and we can lose our cool once in a while. However, you make me feel like the luckiest lady in the world. I know I can always count on you; Ambrosia can always count on you. That’s what matters the most. Thank you for being the best dad for our daughter. Thank you for always being the kind man that you are to my family. Most importantly, thank you for being the most amazing guy to ever love me. I can’t thank God enough for bringing you into my life.

All My Love,

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