Let’s face it: most first time moms do not want to undergo a c-section if it’s absolutely unnecessary. But, it could happen. If you read my previous post then you’d know that I thought had the perrrrfect birth plan EVER. Unfortunately, things didn’t work in my favor and I ended up getting cut. I didn’t have any issues during my pregnancy, so the thought of getting a cesarean didn’t ever cross my mind. I guess you could say that I was totally not prepared- mentally, physically, and emotionally. Hopefully my experience will help another FTM (first time mom) who ends up in the same boat as me.
Two days before I gave birth, I had an appointment with my OB to see if Ambrosia had turned. To my disappointment, she was still in the breech position. I was then scheduled to come in the following week to check again and to go over all our options in case the results were the same. On Thursday, July 21, 2016, I woke up at 6:30 A.M. to find that my water had broken over night. I wasn’t in any pain whatsoever so I really didn’t think anything was going to happen right away. Joshua called my doctor and he told us to go into the hospital immediately. I didn’t want to believe that I was giving birth that morning; I couldn’t be having my baby… Oh, I was so wrong. We got to the hospital at 7:40 A.M. and I checked in at the emergency room. After about 20 minutes of waiting, a nurse came in and took me to the maternity ward in a wheel-chair. She told me to pee in a cup, take my clothes off and put that horrible hospital gown on, and wait for my cervix to be checked. I hadn’t told anyone that I knew my baby was still breech because I didn’t want to admit that I was going to get cut. When she checked my cervix, she said she couldn’t feel anything. That’s when J told her that at our ultrasound two days prior, our baby still hadn’t turned. The nurse then left the room and called my doctor to tell him I needed a c-section right away. Hearing the word “c-section” from the nurse made everything so real that I could not stop shaking and crying. I knew it. I was giving birth that morning. I was going to have a c-section. And to top it off, my mom wasn’t going to arrive until 6 P.M. that evening.
Just freaking great.
I was in the labor and delivery room. J was told to change into scrubs and we were to wait for my doctor to come. After a while, I was brought to the operating room and the anesthesiologist came in. He said he was going to give me a shot on my spine to make sure I didn’t feel anything during the surgery. *Ugh.* I started to shake tremendously and then I went completely numb from the waist down. My doctor then came in and the procedure began. All I can say is holy crap. I didn’t know what the heck was going on and to me, everyone was talking nonsense. I didn’t want J to look at them cutting me (I mean, he still did and up to this day he teases that he’s seen my guts); however, once Doc announced that he could see feet, his eyes moved from me and to the surgery being done. I was still shaking so much that I couldn’t really pay attention to all the chatter going on around me and to be completely honest, I didn’t care about any of it either. I just wanted it to be over.
Then, at 8:43 A.M., our sweet baby girl was born.
After I heard her cry and knew she was okay, I just kept telling myself that it would be over soon. I hadn’t stopped shaking and the fact that I was still lying on the operating table cut open didn’t exactly ease my mind… but when J brought my sweet girl over for me to kiss her, I forgot everything that was going on. I never thought the phrase “love at first sight” was true up until that very moment.
As soon as my doctor finished with my stitches, I was taken to the recovery room. Just a heads up to anyone who gives birth at GMH (Guam Memorial Hospital): the recovery room is the loneliest place EVER. Two nurses took turns coming to check my breathing and blood pressure. One of them then told me that I would have to stay there for an hour before I could go to my room and see my baby. Seriously. Longest hour of my life. I was drugged up, couldn’t feel the lower half of my body, and I was still shaking. I probably bugged the crap out of the nurses because I constantly asked about my baby… but hello! Nobody told me anything when she was born and I was going crazy lying there with no information at all. When I was finally wheeled to my room, it felt like my heart was going to explode.
Joshua met me in the there and then one nurse finally brought me my baby girl. Everything felt so surreal. I carried this baby for 9 months. I felt her kicks and turns from within. She is the only person in the world who has heard my heart beat from the inside. And now, she was safely in my arms.
My little family was finally complete.
Although throughout my entire pregnancy I did not anticipate getting a c-section, I would go through it all over again for Ambrosia. I’ve never really told my whole birth story to anyone because I was afraid of people judging the fact that I had to have a cesarean. I’ve read so many posts about how a woman who has had a c-section “didn’t really” give birth or “took the easy way out”. I was already judged for giving birth at a hospital and not at Sagua, the birthing center, so I didn’t need to be judged about how I had to bring her into the world. Then I realized that the people saying those things were completely wrong. I am so proud of how I GAVE BIRTH to my daughter. She is here, happy, and healthy. Everything happens for a reason. And because I had to get cut, my relationship with Joshua was really put to the test. (Don’t worry, he passed 😉)
I hope my story eases another mama’s mind when it comes to getting cut. Don’t forget to subscribe and get notified for my next post on my recovery process and tips!
To all my c-section mamas out there, you’re awesome. We’re awesome. Going through a surgery like that to bring a life that YOU have been creating into this world is amazing. Don’t ever think less of yourself because of the way you gave birth.